My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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