He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
