Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
