last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
