I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
