BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You ruined the universe
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
