Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
