her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
