people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I look better un-naked...
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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