New invention idea: vibrating tampons
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
