it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
