I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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