And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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