last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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