ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
