I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Is it because I queefed?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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