You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
