y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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