Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
