I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
