We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
