Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
