walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
