she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
