I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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