2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
