i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
