You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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