It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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