I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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