Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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