k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
