I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Hippo gnu deer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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