He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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