She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
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