The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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