Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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