you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
