I CAN MOONWALK!
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
