someone owes me an orgasm
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
