Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
