Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
