sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
