don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
