My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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