'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
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His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
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