i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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