one word: firstdatebathroomanal
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
