he puts the penis in happiness.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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