Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
His nipple licking is glorious
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