What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
