did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
