The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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