He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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