eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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