Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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