Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
