her vagine was all disorganized.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
