Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
