so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
