Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
