what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
