Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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