Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
