i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Randomize
