I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
