Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Randomize
