yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Randomize
