His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
