I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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