I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
