Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
