I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
