i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
