someone threw a dead crab at me
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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