careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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