Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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