She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
