my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
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I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
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How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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