You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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