well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
